Brokeass Mountain
by Kidscomix
Summary: Parodying author Annie Proulx's comments that she made about her work, the Pulitzer Prize writer attends a writer's convention where she is bombarded by annoying questions concerning her fictional characters Jack and Ennis. Obviously, she doesn't take too kindly to fan participation.


Ah, Writers Con. The annual convention that celebrates the best in published written works and provides the opportunity for fans for meet their favorite authors and to discuss their novels or short stories in a gathering of other individuals who share in the same interests. This year was especially exciting as American journalist and Pulitzer Prize winning writer, Annie Proulx, was going to make an appearance to discuss her much celebrated work _Brokeback Mountain._

Sitting behind the table with a name plaque and microphone, Annie selectively chose a printed red jacket, black blouse, and trousers that she purchased from Chicos and patiently waited for the moderator to introduce her. Out in the audience, she observed the attendees, many of whom were men, dressed up in cowboy gear in honor of their much beloved romanticized fictional gay characters.

"Oh Lord," she whispered to herself. "I didn't think my readers would go all out." She brushed her short graying hair and watched as a full figured woman in her late fifties came strolling to the front part of the stage.

The announcer cleared her throat and read from her flashcards. "Hello, everyone." She coughed up a bit of phlegm. Annie had to roll her eyes. She wondered how they chose the moderator for these events. It often involved someone less than qualified person for the position. Lounging back in her chair, the writer tried to keep a straight face as the woman continued. "As I was saying, hello everyone. My name is Edna Peabody and I would like to welcome you to the Annie Proulx discussion forum. For those of you are familiar with Miss Proulx's work. She has written the science fiction story _All The Pretty Little Horses _for Seventeen magazine. She has won a Pulitzer Prize for her fictional novel _The Shipping News_. However, her most acclaimed and most popular work to date is her short story which was adapted into an Academy Award nominated film _Brokeback Mountain_!"

Claps, applause, hoots, and hollers erupted from the crowd as the title of her fictional work was named. Annie beamed with pride as the acceptance of her short story was well accepted.

"It gives me great pleasure to welcome Annie Proulx to Writers' Con!" Edna greeted. "Welcome Annie!" The older woman clapped her hands.

Annie nodded. "Thank you for having me, Edna."

Edna's fingers flipped through her series of flashcards. "Now my first question is how did _Brokeback Mountain_ came about?

Inhaling a breath, the author leaned into the microphone. "It was an expanded version from one of my short stories. _Close Range: Wyoming Stories._ I remember one incident where I was observing a middle aged man in a bar intently watching the men playing pool and it left an impression on me to consider what the life a ranch hand who might be gay must be like. Rural North America, regional cultures, the images of an ideal and seemingly attainable world the characters cherish in their long views despite the rigid and difficult circumstances of their place and time interest me and are what I write about. I watch for the historical skew between what people have hoped for and who they thought they were and what befell them."

"Interesting," noted the moderator. "Was it ever your intention to write a gay cowboy story?"

Shaking her head, Annie shrugged. "I wanted to tell a linear story, chronicling the lives of these characters and the trials and tribulations they faced. There has been some controversy when the film came out regarding the sexuality of these characters. Are they gay, bisexual, straight, or have a label at all? Intentionally, I wanted to keep them ambiguous and leave it up to the audience to interpret of their sexual orientation is. As the Kinsey study points out, sexuality has fluidity and there really isn't a clear definition of what someone is or who they should be. However, I will say that I wrote a love story involving two men and how they define themselves is left to the characters."

"Very good." Edna agreed. "With that in mind, I would like to leave the next series questions to the audience. Each one will stand up and ask a question at the microphone positioned near the front of the stage."

This was the author's favorite portion of the convention. It gave her a chance to meet her fan base and hear feedback from them. Her eyes peered over the audience to see a young, handsome gentleman in cowboy hat in boots. Shifting his feet to the microphone, he asked his question.

"Yes," said the lad. "I want to know if you had a chance to change the ending of your story. Would have Jack and Ennis live happily ever after?"

Annie cocked her head. "I get asked that a lot. The answer is no. I wanted to give these characters a realistic approach to their relationship. You have to consider the time period where homosexuality was outlawed and the knowledge of being queer would end in something tragic. It's the beauty of Jack's and Ennis' relationship that really creates the impact for the reader so no I wouldn't change it."

Not content with her answer, the young man asked a second question. "What if you made Ennis a vampire and he bit Jack and you know turned him and then they would live happily ever after as part of the undead?"

The author lifted an eyebrow. "Um…that's going a bit overboard. I dabble more in realistic fiction and this story isn't like my sci-fi works. I'm not really into the supernatural."

"You could be." The fan suggested. "Ennis could twinkle and Jack could be this emo cowboy who lives in Seattle and there could be this life triangle with a werewolf…"

Offended, Annie stood up. "This isn't freakin' Twilight! I'm not Stephanie Meyers! Save your fantasies for the Twilight forum next door!"

Frustrated, the cowboy shot the author the finger and stalked off. The writer sat back down and shook her head as another audience member came up to the microphone. This guy was wearing a pink cowboy hat, yellow fringe and a feather boa. He pranced and snapped his fingers in front of the writer.

"Hey gurl!" The flamboyant questioner exclaimed.

Annie's fingers rubbed her temple. "You got a question?"

"I does!" His lips pushed. "I always wondered who was the top and who was the bottom. I mean Jack is a little queenie bitch to me but he can go versatile, you what what I'm sayin'? Now Ennis, he might think he's all that and thinks he's a top but I think he likes to catch one in a while. What's the answer gurl?"

She slapped her mouth. "How the hell should I know? I didn't write a drawn out sex scene in this story! Use your imagination! What these characters do in the privacy of their own bedroom is their own business!"

The fan scowled. "Don't get all pissy about it, Miss Thang! I was just askin'!" Spinning on his heels, he sauntered back to his seat.

Edna Peabody knew how upset Annie was getting and quickly took to the microphone. "Please regard all questions to the author's work and not speculating on possible endings of these characters. Let's respect our featured guest's work."

"Thank you!" The writer shouted. "Jack's dead! Get over it!"

Groans and boos drifted through the crowd as another fan marched to the microphone to ask a question. This was dressed a bit more regular in gray hoodie, _Star Wars_ tee, and jeans.

He flagged the audience to calm them down. "Now don't be disrespectful to Miss Proulx. She's entitled to her opinion."

"Thank you." Annie nodded toward the gentleman.

"You're welcome." The attendee smiled as he got closer to the microphone. "Okay, my question is since you have a background in writing sci-fi, maybe you could write a gay love story where Jack and Ennis are enemy combatants who face off with light sabers and Ennis wears this black mask and says something in a husky voice like Jack, I am your daddy!"

The writer squeezed her temple with her two fingers and lowered her head in disgust. "No, I'm not a doing a _Star Wars_ theme!"

"Okay then," said the man. "How about if they were on the Starship Enterprise and decided to go bravely where no man has gone before?"

Annoyed, the author folded her arms and sneered. "What if I made Jack into Steve Buschemi and Ennis into Danny Devito? Would that appease you?"

The sci-fi fan cringed. "But they're not cute like Jake Gyllenhaal or the late Heath Ledger. Picture Buschemi and Devito bumping uglies would ruin the fantasy."

Clenching her fists, she glared at the questioner. "Sit down!" The attendee sulked back to his seat. She turned to Edna. "Is this forum over yet?"

Nervously, the moderator scanned the room. Hundreds of hands rose in the air requesting to ask a question from the author. "Does anyone have a question regarding anything about the written work that doesn't pertain to some surreal ending involving Jack and Ennis or their sex lives?"

Suddenly everyone lowered their hands except for one. Annie's mouth dropped as a hulking gentleman in a leather biker cap, chaps, and vest came strolling to the microphone. The writer prepared for the worst.

"My question is this." The leather individual bellowed. "Is Jack into fisting?"

The writer opened her eyes wide. "Huh?"

The man continued. "You know. Fisting. That's when Ennis puts his entire hand through Jack's…"

Annie leaped out of her seat. "THAT'S IT! LOOK, JACK AND ENNIS ARE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS! I FIND PEOPLE FALLING IN LOVE WITH FICTIONAL CHARACTERS REPUGNANT! JACK AND ENNIS DON'T EXIST! GET OVER IT!"

Immediately, the audience turned on her. What once was considered accolades and applause quickly turned into a crowd of boos, hisses, and jeers. The writer stood her ground.

"OH GROW UP!" She frowned. "BECAUSE OF THE EXISTENCE OF FAN FICTION, I WISH I NEVER WROTE BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN! IT'S A CONSTANT SOURCE OF IRRITATION IN MY LIFE WHERE THERE ARE COUNTLESS PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO THINK THE STORY IS OPEN RANGE TO EXPLORE THEIR FANTASIES AND TO CORRECT WHAT THEY SEE AS AN UNBEARABLE DISAPPOINTING STORY!"

The leather man interjected. "It is a disappointing story. I mean as far as I see it. Ennis is this big daddy type and Jack's is his slave. I picture the two having a wonderful BDSM relationship!"

"THIS ISN'T FREAKING FIFTY SHADES OF GREY!" She hissed. "LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT! I'M SICK OF MEN SENDING GHASTLY FAN FICS AND MANUSCRIPTS BECAUSE, OF COURSE, THEY UNDERSTAND MEN BETTER THAN I DO. I KEEP GETTING HORRIBLE PORNISH REWRITES AND EXPECTING ME TO APPLAUD THEM FOR FIXING THE STORY! YOU CERTAINLY DON'T GET THE MESSAGE THAT IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT, YOU GOT TO STAND IT! ENNIS DOESN'T FIND A HUSKY BOYFRIEND AND JACK DOESN'T COME BACK FROM THE DEAD! NO ONE LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER! GET A LIFE PEOPLE!"

The crowd began to get ugly and Edna Peabody quickly grabbed the microphone to calm the room. "Well…uh…that was an interesting perspective. I'm sure Miss Proulx appreciates everyone's kind remarks for the appreciation of her work."

"Suck it Edna!" The writer snapped at the moderator. "I wish I never wrote Brokeass Mountain! That damn short story has been the bane of my existence! I'm switching to writing about female love. Maybe two straight women who find love in an armory wielding factory during World War 2!"

A loud tap resonated around the room. The pair turned toward a female with a crew cut, flannel shirt, shorts, and a pair of Birkenstock sandals in front of the microphone.

"Could you make the story about two butch lesbian women who kill off all the men, become fugitives, and drive off a cliff!"

Annie roared as she pulled out strands of her gray hair. "ARRRGH! THAT'S THELMA AND LOUISE! I GIVE UP ON WRITING! I'M GOING TO BE A TECHNICAL WRITER FOR SARAH PALIN'S TEA PARTY CAMPAIGN!" She darted from the room like a madwoman.

Edna Peabody feigned a smile and waved to the shocked audience.

"Um…next up. Suzanne Collins and her _Hunger Games _series. And for the record all the rumors that she stole the idea from _Lord of the Flies_ and _Battle Royale_ despite all the allegations that she is promoting a dystopian government ideal of a dictatorship. Though she did say that her starvation regiment did help her lose weight…"

_**The End?**_


End file.
